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How to have a healthy relationship

Individual skills to develop

  1. Learn to recognize, accept, and tolerate your feelings.
  2. Learn good communication skills and practice active listening.
  3. Think about what you want from a relationship.
  4. Learn the difference between what you want and what you need, and the difference between what you really want and what would be nice to have.
  5. Learn what is realistic to expect from different kinds of relationships.
  6. If you are having trouble with any of these, get help.

Examining the relationship

  1. Get clear about what you want from the relationship.
  2. Get a reality check. Can you realistically get what you want from this relationship?
  3. Talk about what you want from your relationship and what the other person wants. See if you are each willing to give what the other person wants to receive.
  4. If you are having trouble with any of these, get help.

Maintaining the relationship

  1. Communicate your feelings without blaming.
  2. Complement the other person frequently.
  3. Listen actively.
  4. Empathize.
  5. Accept limitations; focus on why you want to be in relationship with this person, not on why you don’t.
  6. Take care of yourself; remember that the other person can’t meet all your needs all the time.
  7. Ask for what you want.
  8. Express gratitude when you get what you want.
  9. Respond honestly and caringly to what the other person wants.
  10. Forgive.
  11. If you are having trouble with any of these, get help.
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