- Let go of being right (and of your partner being wrong).
- Focus on changing your own habits and behaviors, not your partner’s.
- Be honest with yourself, your partner, and the therapist.
- Practice self-soothing so that you don’t react to things your partner says and does in an uncontrolled way.
- If you are having trouble staying calm, tell the therapist and ask for help.
- Try really hard to understand what your partner is saying.
- Complement your partner as often as you can.
- Practice your communication skills.
- Work to understand and express your feelings, even vulnerable feelings
- Tell the therapist when something is happening in the session that makes you feel uncomfortable.
- If you don’t understand something that is said or that happens during the session, say so immediately.
- Accept that the ultimate responsibility for your happiness lies with you, not with your partner.
- Work to find hope for your relationship; don’t give up hope every time there is a hiccup in the process.
- Actively look for things that you like, respect, and love about your partner.
How to make couples counseling work
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